Observation

The commencement of introspection.

Gazing inwardly requires strength and discipline. Observation of self requires love and honesty. Both of which you’ve never exercised, which is why it feels so difficult to perform these. You have eyes, but you cannot see. You have arms, hands, but you cannot grasp onto anything. The powers you have that allow you to achieve all good things, has been deliberately suppressed from you.

The storm inside continues. The desperation, the despair, the anger, the sorrow, the regret. You remember your most recent conscious act, this drives something forward, upward. You know that you have no other choice but to press on.

All of a sudden, your storms start to shift. It’s as if it’s subsiding very slowly. Then you realise something. The act of gazing inwardly and the commencement of your self observation is what is causing the storm to die down. The very act of stepping outside of self, not your true self, but the self that has been created for you, and performing inventory on everything about your old you, has created a silence.

You take inventory of absolutely everything, honestly, and truthfully. “Who am I?” All of your habits. All of your emotions. All of your thoughts. All of your routines. All that you consume through all possible senses. You observe. You write them all down through pen and paper. Initially, you’ll only be able to identify the most prominent things about you (old current you). Over time, the smallest of things will come to surface. You will learn that this process must be continuous, something that is volitional that requires constant effort. A responsibility, one of many, for the remainder of your new life.